


Riddle

by lazlong



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, twisted logic, verbally challenged character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-24
Updated: 2013-04-24
Packaged: 2017-12-09 09:27:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/772632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lazlong/pseuds/lazlong
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ethan needs a dictionary, not that he will confess it to anybody.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Riddle

**Author's Note:**

> A/N Nothing is mine, except mistakes.

 

Contrary to the popular opinion, Ethan is not _completely_ stupid. (1) At least not _so_ stupid that couldn’t understand the significance of the moment when he sees Justin, determined on his way out, looking ten years older. Why does Justin have to be so… There was this word, the word that rhymes with “huff”, shit, can’t remember.. to choose the most difficult path imaginable, always?

 

The game is over, he knows beforehand, even before he opens mouth to apologise.  

The blood is welling, and dripping, and Justin is squeezing hands even harder, and bleeds even more and he is not taking the easy way of opening his hands, and heart and body - and forgetting this temporary, insignificant misplacement of his body part - in the prospect of their bright and shiny future where they will be as one.

Even as he goes through motions of begging, and promising - it worked, it always worked before, words are easy, words are enough, were enough, _may be_ it will work this time as well and then he will be careful as fuck not to be caught again - never ever trick so carelessly again, always take precautions.. Yet the foreboding feeling of fatality is returning, confirmed by carefully closed door, on the other side. Justin, he always is.. no, not “bluff” and not “buff” either. God, stubborn he is.

 

Anyway, it was not so good.

In relationship there should be no borders; otherwise – what is the use of relationships? Everything must be shared, merged together, till there is _ethanandjustin_ , only; if he knows…knew what Justin thinks at any moment of time, and then and only then he can feel sure that he will never be alone again.

Yet, there was always a sharp edge to Justin, from the very beginning, - this reluctance to amalgamate drove him up the wall – touch, when he is not willing you to touch him and you will bleed.

Touch him one more time, and you will be cut into pieces: humiliated by casual words; destroyed by gliding glances insinuating things you haven’t imagined, yet you start feeling guilty in advance; and, most of all, annihilated by _lack_ of any actions that could acknowledge your existence.

Ethan doesn’t like effort - violin was his only choice of career, because even if it takes a lot of work, it was never more difficult than breathing to him while others struggled with clumsy fingers for each sound - to go through the pain, he thinks, he won’t be able, he will crumble in the very beginning of the way, so he never starts it.

So he doesn't touch, he doesn’t speak; he fucks his frustration on side and now he has arrived to the point of tiny red drops marking and marring the path of most resistance that he will never be able to take. Justin, he always fights, he is.. rough, yes, but not exactly the word he was looking for. But it will suit, for now, Justin is rough.

 

Ethan saw them in Babylon once - there was a quarrel, it seemed so; and Justin's voice plunged down in the familiar dangerous hissing that was a hallmark for Ethan to retreat.

Brian.. he is not afraid, not afraid at all; is he blind? Doesn’t he see the train is coming? But this guy, this Brian, that Justin so pointedly did not complain about at all, seems not to care that he is cut open, bleeding, cut to the bone and is about to be eviscerated.

No, he is not blind, he is next worse thing - he is bat-shit crazy, because he even does not flinch; he draws nearer, puts his large hands on the nape of Justin’s neck, squeezes, and then says something, softly and unshakably.. and that terrifying sharp edge that Justin wields so expertly does not go dull, but sort of draws inwards. And it seems, they are.. the same as Justin was.. well, let’s rephrase, at least for them it seems to be enough.

 

On the way home, it comes to him so unexpectedly, that he almost runs into lamppost: tough. 

Tough.

The word is tough. Ethan never wants to learn what he will do if the day will come when playing violin might cease to be easy.

 ---

(1)He just don’t like to make an effort in insignificant, boring, trivial daily matters, he never had. He is an artist, after all, and he is entitled to devote himself to the art and art only, and all other people _have_ to accommodate him, so he can focus upon playing - after all, anybody can wash dishes or serve tables, but few can play violin.

**Author's Note:**

> Answer to the riddle, of course, is from Knute Rockne's song "When the going gets tough, the tough get going".


End file.
